News from Russia today is not about Russia.
It is that, whilst we slept on an overnight ferry from Helsinki to St Petersburg last night (having voted by post before we came), the bulk of our country voted to leave our glorious European motherland, thus plunging us into certain economic downturn and pestilence.
What made it worse is that I decided to check the results on my phone at the ferry port. Such was my enthusiasm, I ignored the text welcoming me to Russia and advising that data would cost as much as a small car to make use of.
The first item of news I got was a sequence of close ups of that gibbering fool Farage using the grotesque gurning face he uses when he can’t pull off a normal smile.
Not only did I receive news that we’ll all be on the streets by Christmas, but I paid £40 in data charges to get it.
I’m now sitting at what seems to be a Russian biker themed bar, having separated from my family part way through sightseeing. I actually came in just to use their toilet on the way back to the hotel, but having come in, they all looked too hard for me just to walk in and straight back out again.
I therefore opted for an Americano coffee, after my suggestion of a cappuccino was just met with blank looks.
Not hard enough for their biker image I reasoned, so I held off also attempting to explain caramel syrup in a mixture if pigeon Russian and sign language.
Without the Russian
Or the Pigeon.
Having veered too close to the edge of soft Western shite, I was careful to order Hot milk in my Americano to redress the balance.
That did the trick I think.
However, things aren’t as bad as the referendisaster might suggest.
Points of a glass half full nature are as follows:
1. Now the UK is independent, Farage presumably will have nothing to do any more, once the first few weeks of gloating are over, so he can just piss off somewhere
2. We have a number of Roubles with us. As the Pound has already begun the inevitable crash, I could make a tidy profit by not spending it here and converting it when we get home.
A unique chance to use the Rouble as a stable base to hedge against Sterling.
3. St Petersburg seems a really fantastic city and Russians all seem lovely.
4. That’s it. Everything else is bad
5. Apart from the view from my window
6. That’s son’s window in fact. We don’t have a balcony
7. Even the result of our room bookings was a hotelisaster
davedawsonhaswaytoomuchtimeonhishands 