Several people have asked if I use Twitter but, the fact is that they’re limited to 140 characters. If you saw any of the earlier Posts, you will have realised I don’t get out of bed for less than 500 words.
It may all be rubbish but you can at least see I’ve gone to a reasonable amount of effort.
In my experience, even the most erudite writers on Twitter sites just talk about going to the shops, what they had for breakfast and so on. Even if you look back over what Stephen Fry has Twatted in the past (Twat I believe being the past participle of Twitter) it was really just trivia and complaints about people insulting him.
If a man with no human failings like Fry can’t do it, no-one can.
So, in the interests of a shorter Post, I turn to statistics I’ve heard recently.
i) I gather from a Bill Bryson book I just read that 3.7 million Americans believe they have been abducted by aliens at one time or another.
A number of Americans read these Posts so in the spirit of balance I should add that most Bryson statistics are all about the US.
Similar statistics will no doubt exist in the UK for people from Cornwall.
People in the rest of the UK, view Cornwall in the same way as the rest of the world view the US
ii) 6% of people believe man never landed on the moon.
That was 6% of Americans again, I’m afraid – figures for belief in anything much do not exist for Cornwall
6% is just a CNN estimate incidentally
I couldn’t find any exact figure, but then I couldn’t find any exact figure for Halfwits either
iii) 1 in 100 people are clinically psychopathic.
This means unable to experience any real liking or empathy for other people’s feelings – and not necessarily full blown Hannibal Lecter types.
Nevertheless it’s a genuine figure based on responses to a standard set of questions used by psychiatrists.
Since everyone knows more than 100 people, it could be a good pub game to play guess the psychopath
iv) I looked this up having heard the psychopath thing on the radio and there is a similar set of questions used to spot psychosis.
That’s a really serious family of mental illnesses in which people can’t separate fantasy from reality, hear voices telling them to do things and so on.
However, one of the questions in that was ‘Do you think the accuracy of Astrology predictions is too much to be coincidence’
Answer yes to that and you’re on the potential psychotic list
I don’t believe in astrology, but I understand those in my star sign, Scorpio, are known for their generally passionate and virile nature
So, I have a dilemma:
Do I go with the tempting passion and virility description – and acknowledge the less tempting psychotic bit, or do I go public with the opposite of virility which, judging by my word search on the Net is much less appealing.
Incidentally, I never write this Blog at work, which is just as well.
The results that came back on my searches for the opposite of virility would have had klaxons going off throughout the building
Worried that the lack of comments suggests no-one reads this. Just wanted to let you know that I have laughed out loud so much at this post. Brilliant stuff.
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Perfect email to receive on a grey Monday morning Mr Dawson! Bravo!
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Love it but would like to say if we were together in the pub it would be you! 🙂
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Mind you this is based on Greenwich, She should in fact be the meridian…but eery nevertheless. The Sacred Capital of the World.
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I’ve always loved your sense of humour and it’s good to see you haven’t lost it. I’m afraid I can’t write texts that make people laugh but if you fancy any other writing category, you know where to find me 🙂
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